The Frex Hunters: Anniversary
by Ultimate Queen of Cliffies
Summary: It's April Fools Day again, which means... *drumroll* a Frex Hunters Anniversary fic! Silly songs (kudos to Moreanswers24), Australian accents, flying limbs and chopped off heads... and a late birthday present for Wicked4Life :). Warning: weird stuff coming your way.


**AN: Slightly early (for most of you, anyway); but it's past midnight here and I have an exam tomorrow, so I figured I'd better upload it right now instead of forgetting it tomorrow :3. Happy Frex Hunters Anniversary everyone!**

**I hope you're all happy with your parts (Ozzie, I especially had fun writing your Australian slang. Excuse the shrimp on the Barbie... but honestly, you mentioned it - how could I not include it? :P). Four people to kill this time, so big fun. (Sometimes I wonder why I still write these things.)**

**Happy April Fools Day!**

* * *

"Alright." I look at the crowd of people. People I've laughed with. People I've killed with. People who I've sung songs with. Has it really already been a year? It feels like so much shorter… and yet it feels like we've been together forever at the same time.

Not everyone is present, but that's alright. Some of us are busy – some of us have lives. The others… well, the others are standing before me right now.

"So, we are –" I begin, but I am interrupted by Caricature of a Witch.

"Are you one of the newbies?" she asks Happy Fae.

Happy Fae nods, beaming. "I am! I'm so happy to be here!"

"She even told me she wouldn't even mind being our secretary, or the one to hold our coats," I tell Caricature of a Witch.

Immediately, all the Frex Hunters take off their coats and dump them in Happy Fae's arms.

I sigh. "Guys…"

"I'm fine!" Happy Fae calls from underneath the pile of coats, weakly waving a hand in the air.

"See? She's fine," Silvine Graycine says. "You were saying?"

I roll my eyes, but comply. "Very well. My dear, dear Frex Hunters," I say. I'm standing on a small platform with a blackboard right beside me. The Hunters are standing before me, looking up at me expectantly. "Today it's been exactly one year since our first gathering."

Loud cheers and cries erupt from the mob, and I smile.

"One year," I continue, looking at each and every one of them, "since we first killed Frex. Not that he stayed dead after that… but that's beside the point. One year, people. One year of adventures, of songs and murders, of dinners and chopped-off heads and loose limbs… and so," I say as I start writing something on the blackboard beside me, "I think it might be time for something new."

I step away from the blackboard, showing everyone what I have written down on it.

_The Hans Hunters._

"Hans," Elphaba'sGirl growls. "That filthy little –"

"Hey, hey, mind your language!" Stephanie chides her. "There are children around, you know?"

Xanne-Li waves her away. "I've heard worse things, trust me."

"That's true," Elizabeth chimes in.

"So," I continue as if no-one has spoken, "today, we won't be chasing Frex. No… we will be chasing Hans."

"And Morrible!" Elphabalover101 pipes up.

I acknowledge that with a nod. "And Morrible."

"And the Wizard," EmeraldReine adds. "For being so evil in both _Conceal, don't feel _and _Here we stand_."

"Ah, yes." I nod. "He should definitely be punished for shooting Elsa. And for killing Glinda, of course."

Immediately shouts and horrified gasps rise from the Frex – pardon me, Hans – Hunters.

"Killing Glinda?" Happy Fae shrieks. "What do you mean, killing Glinda?!"

"Are you going to kill Glinda?!" Elphabalover101 demands in disbelief.

I grimace. "Oops. _Here we stand _spoiler. Sorry."

"You can't kill Glinda!" Silvine Graycine shouts angrily. "We made a deal, remember?"

Madison looks up at me with watery eyes. "Are you really going to kill Glinda?" she asks, lower lip trembling. "Please don't kill Glinda!"

I grin at her. "The puppy dog eyes won't help you, kid. And whether or not I'm going to kill Glinda..." I smirk. "…wouldn't you like to know."

Caricature of a Witch holds up a pitchfork threateningly.

Immediately, Elizabeth – the best non-biological twin sister in the world – jumps in front of me and holds up her mini-chainsaw. "Don't you dare threaten my twin!"

"Thanks, sis," I say with a beaming smile at her. "Now, as I was saying…"

"You were talking about killing Glinda," BlueD says helpfully.

"I was," I say, "but I was meant the Hans-Morrible-Wizard Hunters."

"Can I shoot them in the eyes?" Meg asks excitedly.

"Um… sure," I concede, a bit taken aback by her enthusiasm.

"And," I'mFlyingHighDefyingGravity adds, "can we kill Frex, too?"

I hesitate. "Maybe," I say finally. "I mean, some of us have to be home in time for dinner…"

"Dinner at my place!" Moreanswers24 shouts.

I give her a sceptical look. "So that you can try to feed us limbs and body parts? No, thank you. I've learnt my lesson by now."

"No!" she promises, putting a hand over her heart dramatically. "No disgusting stuff. I swear. Just dinner."

I narrow my eyes at her. "Or else?"

"I'll swallow my own pitchfork."

"Deal." I nod at I'mFlyingHighDefyingGravity. "And if we happen to come across Frex…"

"Yes!" she shouts, fist-pumping the air.

"I want the Frex head!" Caricature of a Witch shouts.

"Fine, as long as I can chop it off," Stephanie says with a grin.

Moreanswers24 starts singing. "Just for this moment, as long as he's mine! I'll pick up my pitchfork, and stick it down his spine!"

"And if it turns out," Elizabeth sings, "he's dying too fast! We'll find a spell to make sure it lasts!"

"As long as he's mine!" Siaren finishes.

"Crikey," says Ozzie.

* * *

"Frexsparness must be punished!" it echoes through the Gillikin Forest as the Frex Hunters pass through it. "Evil effectively eliminated! Frexsparness must be punished… kill the Frex!"

"It's due to him that Fae is poisoned," Moreanswers24 starts singing, "That Boq and Hamold have been killed! So for once I'm getting violent, and making sure Frex gets more than grilled!"

We all laugh.

"Dancing on graves…" BlueD starts, and we all join in.

"I made up some new lyrics to that one," Moreanswers24 offers, and we all encourage her to let us hear.

She clears her throat. "Killing through life, never regretting, always getting Fre-ex! Because he wants to slaughter his wonderful green daughter; why should we wait, when we can just kill him? Killing through life, thanks to Queen Cliffy…"

I grin at her and take a dramatic bow. "Yes, people, just remember who to thank!"

"Fiyeraba forever!" Elphaba101 continues Moreanswers24's song. "No-one but them together…"

"It's just Frex…" BlueD smiles.

"So keep killing through!" we all finish together.

Soon we come to the Emerald Palace, and Ozzie transports us all up to the Throne Room window with her magical powers. Inside, we find the Wizard and Morrible.

"Morrible's head is mine!" Siaren cries, taking hold of a spiked club and advancing on Morrible. Stephanie and Madison follow close behind with their weapons, cheering.

"Wizard alert!" BlueD shouts, and she and Happy Fae close in on him.

"Wait!" Ozzie shouts.

Everyone freezes.

"I still have to say my line!"

I smirk and make a dramatic gesture. "Go ahead."

Ozzie grins and bounces forward. "G'day, mates!" she says in a sing-song voice. "It's time to die!"

"Now go!" I yell.

Meg brings out her bow and arrows and starts shooting. She hits first Morrible's one eye, then the other; and she starts jumping up and down in excitement, fist-pumping the air. "Way to go! Both eyes pierced! Did you guys see that?!"

"That's bonzer, mate," Ozzie says with a grin as she releases her magical powers onto the Wizard. Morrible tries to defend herself with magic against Caricature of a Witch, who threateningly raises an axe into the air, and Elizabeth, who sings 'Dancing On Graves' as she lowers her chainsaw to Morrible's leg.

"This may tickle a little," she tells the old fish-woman.

EmeraldReine and Happy Fae have crawled behind the Wizard's mechanical head together, making it laugh maniacally; and Xanne-Li and I have a casual conversation about cookies as we pull out knives and start stabbing the Wizard.

"They're dead," I'mFlyingHighDefyingGravity finally concludes.

Elphabalover101 nods. "Looks like they are."

"Let's divide body parts," Silvine Graycine suggests. "Can I have a head?"

Elizabeth chops off Morrible's head for her with the chainsaw. "Who wants the Wizard's head?"

"Here," I say, taking it from Elizabeth and handing it to Xanne-Li. "Consider it a belated birthday present."

She grins at me.

I notice that Meg is looking a little pale. "You okay?" I ask her.

"Sure." She waves a hand weakly. "Just… not really a big fan of lifeless limbs and heads."

I giggle.

"Let's go find Hans!" Elphaba'sGirl calls.

"Who is this Hans?" Stephanie jokes. We all giggle.

"Don't we want their other body parts?" Siaren asks, looking down at the Wizard and Morrible's lifeless bodies.

I shrug. "We can come pick them up later?" I suggest. "We still have to find Hans and Frex, and dragging body parts all around Oz and Arendelle will only slow us down."

Siaren nods. "We'll just leave them here, then."

"I hope we can pull this off," Elphabalover101 mutters.

"Mates," Ozzie says as waves around her hands, which are surrounded by a strange, magical glow, "we are some dinky-di Hunters. Don't get your knickers in a knot – we'll just do our thing and Bob's yer uncle. Maybe we can crack some tinnies afterwards, eh?"

"Sure," Elizabeth agrees easily, "though I'll have something else… and the younger ones, too," she adds with a look at Xanne-Li.

We all just stare at them, then at each other, with puzzled expressions on our faces.

"Do you have any idea what Ozzie just said?" I whisper.

"Not a clue," mutters Caricature of a Witch.

"Was that Australian slang?" Madison asks enthusiastically. "Throw a shrimp on the Barbie!"

Elizabeth and I burst into giggles at the exact same time.

"No-one says that!" Ozzie complains, but she's chuckling.

Moreanswers24 pokes her pitchfork into the air. "To Arendelle!"

"To Arendelle!" we all echo, sticking our weapons up in the air. Ozzie transports us out of the Palace again with her powers and we go on our way towards Hans – and, hopefully, Frex.

* * *

"I mean it's crazy…"

"What?" Xanne-Li plays along.

I grin at her. "We finish each other's..."

"…murders!"

"That's what I was gonna say!"

"Let it gooooo! Let it gooooo!" Stephanie belts. "Can't let him live anymoooore!"

"Let it gooooo! Let it gooooo! Morrible is a who-"

"What did I say about language?" Stephanie cuts Silvine Gracyine off sternly.

She has the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry."

"'Cause for the first time in forever!" Moreanswers24 sings. "We will all be killing Hans!"

Elizabeth takes over. "For the first time in forever, Frex will have no chance!"

"And I know that it's totally crazy," that's Happy Fae, "to dream we can kill them both!"

"But for the first time in forever…" EmeraldReine looks confused. "What rhymes with 'both'?"

"Growth?" Siaren suggests.

"Oath?" Meg tries.

"Loath?" BlueD chirps.

That's Elphabalover101's cue to start singing. "Loathing… unadulterated loathing!"

"Guys, shh!" Elizabeth whispers. She points at two figures in the distance. "There they are!"

Ozzie moves her hands around her mouth. "G'day, mates!" she yells in their direction. "It's time to die!"

"Eyes!" Meg shouts and immediately shoots her arrows in Frex and Hans' direction. None of us know what they are doing here together, but who cares?

Meg's arrows hit their targets and Hans and Frex fall to the floor. Stephanie chops off Frex's head. Elizabeth ties his remains to a tree and chops him in half with her chainsaw. Moreanswers24 chases Hans with a torch and a pitchfork. Siaren cuts Frex open and BlueD tries to use her taser on his intestines. Ozzie stops Hans with her magic powers and Madison, I'mFlyingHighDefyingGravity, Happy Fae and Elphaba'sGirl immediately attack.

Hans and Frex are dead within no time.

Siaren fist-pumps the air. "We did it!"

"The head is mine!" Moreanswers24 shouts and immediately, some sort of catfight erupts among the Frex/Hans Hunters. Xanne-Li and Happy Fae both pull at Hans' body as if they're playing a game of tugs of war. Stephanie runs off with Frex' head, only to be stopped by Ozzie and her magical powers. Ozzie tries to take the head, but Moreanswers24 impales it on her pitchfork and runs off, cheering.

"What do you want?" Elizabeth asks Meg. "An arm, a leg? Part of the torso?"

Meg suddenly goes nearly as green as Elphaba and turns around to throw up in the bushes.

Madison and Silvine Gracyine are arguing over Hans' head. Caricature of a Witch tries to hit Elphabalover101 over the head with a baseball bat, but the latter dodges the blow and makes Caricature of a Witch trip instead.

It takes a while – a long, long while – but finally, everyone is satisfied with their part – or the promise of a part of Morrible or the Wizard – and we're just about ready to go home. Or, well, to Moreanswers24's home, for dinner.

"Hey!" Happy Fae says. "Meg doesn't have anything!"

"Do you want a piece of mine?" Elphaba'sGirl offers, but Meg immediately blanches again and shakes her head.

"No, no, I don't want anything." She looks at the remains of Hans and Frex. "Although…"

"What do you want?" I ask her.

She looks at me expectantly. "Can I have the clothes?"

We all stare at her.

"Um… sure," Stephanie finally concedes. The rest of us are still gaping.

"Awesome." Meg collects the dead bodies' clothes and we leave.

"We've killed four people now, and there's fifteen of us," Elizabeth points out to me as we are flying back to Earth on our broomsticks. "We have some spare parts. What are we going to do with those?"

"Well," I say, steering my broom to avoid a bird. "It just happens to be that Wicked4Life, one of the founders of the Frex Hunters, told me it was her sixteenth birthday the other day… obviously we're a little late, but maybe we can still bring her some presents?"

"Yay," says Xanne-Li with a big grin. "Where does she live?"

We fly over to her house and surprise her in the same way we did Caricature of a Witch last Halloween.

"Wicked4Life!" I yell down from my broomstick. "Are you home?"

She emerges through the front door, looking baffled upon seeing us. Then her face breaks into a big smile.

"I'm sorry I didn't know about it being your birthday a few days ago," I call down, "but you told me you turned sixteen, which is a very special age; so for your sweet sixteen, we would like to drop off some belated birthday presents!"

"Bombs away!" BlueD yells, and immediately, limbs, parts of torsos, and a head fall down from the sky. Wicked4Life has to hide in the doorway to prevent herself from getting smacked in the head by a loose body part.

"Sorry, my bad!" I'mFlyingHighDefyingGravity says sheepishly.

"Thank you!" Wicked4Life grins up at us.

"Let's go to Moreanswers24's home for dinner!" EmeraldReine says.

Wicked4Life smiles as she collects the body parts. "Oh! You even gave me Frex's head!"

I wink at her. "We thought you deserved it. You only turn sixteen once!"

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!" we all sing. "Happy birthday, dear Wicked4Life!" Slowly, we start flying off, one by one. Our singing slowly fades as the distance between us and Wicked4Life's house grows. "Happy birthday to yooooooouuuuuuuu!"

Silence settles across the Frex Hunters.

A single voice in an exaggerated Australian accent breaks it.

"Crikey!"

We all burst out laughing.


End file.
